FRANKLY SPEAKING - Learn how to fight procrastination right now

By Ann M. Frank, Psy.D.

Dear Dr. Frank: My son just finished his freshman year in high school - barely. He left a big project to the end of the term, and it wouldn't have gotten done if my husband and I hadn't come down hard on him once again and made him concentrate.

He's an honor student who always leaves everything to the last minute. He wastes so much time; then he gets stressed and surly. After he hands in an assignment or completes a test, he's exhilarated. He's done this all through school. He says he works best under pressure, and that he's got the grades to prove it. But all we see is a bad habit that's gotten worse. With college just around the corner, he's got us worried. What can we do?

A. Everyone procrastinates, but chronic procrastinators like your son are different.

We frequently accuse them of being distractible, poor time managers, or just plain lazy.

But actually, they're often perfectionists.

Perfectionism and procrastination tend to go together. On the outside, chronic procrastinators look lackadaisical, wasting time on everything but the task at hand.

Inside, though, they're running scared.

They believe that if they do something imperfectly, they're failures. They fear what others will think of them if they "fail." And even if they do succeed, they worry that they'll fall short next time.

To protect themselves from their fear of failure, they delay their efforts to the last minute, which forces them to make a do-or-die push.

You'd think they'd learn after a few close calls, but they actually get a high - a burst of euphoria - from the last-minute rush.

That's a powerful reinforcement for this bad habit.

Ultimately, this maladaptive behavior can undermine academic and professional achievement, and even sabotage personal happiness - so you're right to be concerned.

Here are some tips to help free your son, and you, from a great deal of unnecessary anxiety.

First, you and your husband should talk with him about why he thinks he must be perfect.

Where does that come from? What kind of person does he think you want him to be? And, who does he, himself, want to be?

Remind him that he's already special and unique, and what matters most to you is that he's genuinely happy and healthy.

Make sure he understands the difference between judging himself harshly and accepting himself.

Next, tutor him on the importance of pace.

Advise him to get an organizer and review it daily. It'll give him a sense of accomplishment - and control - as he checks off appointments, errands, and different activities that he's finished.

He can compile a daily list of tasks -few enough so he doesn't feel overwhelmed - and concentrate on completing them all. These can be easy ones at first; he can gradually increase their difficulty and the time it takes to complete them.

After each completion he should reward himself with a break to do something he enjoys. This way he'll learn to chip away at school tasks, rather than perceiving them as boring or impossible.

Finally, he should learn to resist the tempting inner voice that tells him something is going to take too long, or that it's too hard or just a waste of time.

He must practice how to stop right there, re-frame his thoughts positively, and repeat:

"I can do this ... I will do this ... and right now."

Frankly...

Psychologist and philosopher William James wrote, "Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task."

- Ann M. Frank, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist licensed in Rhode Island, Massachusetts, and New York. In private practice in Smithfield, she can be reached by e-mail at Dr.Ann76@cox.net, or in care of this newspaper. The column provides general guidelines, but is not a substitute for professional psychotherapy.