Blogs | Ethan Shorey

So many things we never thought we'd say...

Life before parenthood was fairly predictable. Life since our first son was born has been anything but. My wife and I have learned firsthand that children say and do the most inexplicable things.

I thought you might enjoy some of these phrases we never thought we'd have to say to our children:

• Never, never lick the toilet brush.

• You shouldn't put hot pizza on your face.

• Do not put brussels sprouts in your ear.

• Keep your mouth off the library windows.

• Your blankie is not a Kleenex.

• Don't lick the splash pad.

• I just stepped in your poop.

• No pooping in the tub.

• Stop spitting beef in the pool.

• Do not eat bird poop.

• Never put chopsticks in your ears.

• Please don't hang your tongue in someone's drink.

• Don't put that in the toilet.

• Don't drink the mud (with a straw).

• Don't drink the puddle.

• No toothbrushes in the toilet.

• You don't ever wipe poop with your hand. EVER!

• We don't eat things off the bathroom floor.

• Please don't drink the bath water.

• Don't chew on your shoes.

#parenthood

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